![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elizabethI don't quite know what to say.
Um. I am continuing to have Bad Feelings about talking with my roommate over apartment stuff — cleaning, mostly, so much shame around cleaning, and I can't quite figure out why, some of it has to do with my mother's approach to cleaning and some of it has to do with how I feel like I never really learned how to clean, and I don't handle not knowing things very well, and I just want to throw money at the problem and get a cleaner to come in every few weeks, which....is that me being a grownup with disposable income or me being avoidant? I honestly can't tell.
And work is ....fine, I guess. I think I need to talk to the hr people about a lateral transfer, because while I <3 many of my coworkers, the coworkers I <3 are not the ones I work with day-to-day. And 2.5 years in one position is pretty good. I want to stay at $Institution, for a large variety of reasons, but I am not sure how much longer I can stand working with my boss, who drives me bananas, and I distrust one of the people on my team a lot. (I smell casual ingrained sexism on him. Nothing I can put my finger on, but I don't think he respects me.) I can't do anything about applying to lateral positions until I talk to HR person/figure out wtf my actual salary is, because I remember it as 63K, but I know that's a couple hundred dollars off.
Fucking December.
Thanksgiving was awful in entirely normal ways, I am desperately hoping we're not doing anything for New Year's, I need to do some serious boundary-setting with my stepdad, the prospect of getting a new apartment in eight to ten months thrills and depresses me in roughly equal measure, and I hope that going to dinner at B.'s in ten minutes cheers me up, because while I'm not depressed I am overly grumpy for no good reason and I'd like to stop.
Fucking December.
Um. I am continuing to have Bad Feelings about talking with my roommate over apartment stuff — cleaning, mostly, so much shame around cleaning, and I can't quite figure out why, some of it has to do with my mother's approach to cleaning and some of it has to do with how I feel like I never really learned how to clean, and I don't handle not knowing things very well, and I just want to throw money at the problem and get a cleaner to come in every few weeks, which....is that me being a grownup with disposable income or me being avoidant? I honestly can't tell.
And work is ....fine, I guess. I think I need to talk to the hr people about a lateral transfer, because while I <3 many of my coworkers, the coworkers I <3 are not the ones I work with day-to-day. And 2.5 years in one position is pretty good. I want to stay at $Institution, for a large variety of reasons, but I am not sure how much longer I can stand working with my boss, who drives me bananas, and I distrust one of the people on my team a lot. (I smell casual ingrained sexism on him. Nothing I can put my finger on, but I don't think he respects me.) I can't do anything about applying to lateral positions until I talk to HR person/figure out wtf my actual salary is, because I remember it as 63K, but I know that's a couple hundred dollars off.
Fucking December.
Thanksgiving was awful in entirely normal ways, I am desperately hoping we're not doing anything for New Year's, I need to do some serious boundary-setting with my stepdad, the prospect of getting a new apartment in eight to ten months thrills and depresses me in roughly equal measure, and I hope that going to dinner at B.'s in ten minutes cheers me up, because while I'm not depressed I am overly grumpy for no good reason and I'd like to stop.
Fucking December.
