(no subject)
May. 16th, 2006 04:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elizabethThe thing is -- I don't want to start romanticizing my time in England, I don't want to start thinking 'oh, it wasn't so bad,' because it really was -- the whole time I was at EWS and Godawful, I felt lucky. I felt special. I was having chances, opportunities, and I knew that I'd worked for them and deserved them.
(There have been, in total, less than 50, 000 women who have graduated from EWS. The E-S. U. program has had maybe 2, 000 participants since 1928. There was a spot on the EWS campus that always made me catch my breath, just for a split second. I could always grit my teeth and fantasize about wandering through cities full of memories when I was in England, no obligations to anyone save myself.)
I don't feel lucky anymore.
(Columbia is an Ivy League school, yes, but there are on any given day, 23, 813 students here. Most of them deserve to be here. Many more than I do -- I'm certain I'm the intellectual equal of damn near anyone here, but I've not been behaving like it. I've not been contributing to the community. I'm nothing very special, unusual, here. And I don't like that.)
(There have been, in total, less than 50, 000 women who have graduated from EWS. The E-S. U. program has had maybe 2, 000 participants since 1928. There was a spot on the EWS campus that always made me catch my breath, just for a split second. I could always grit my teeth and fantasize about wandering through cities full of memories when I was in England, no obligations to anyone save myself.)
I don't feel lucky anymore.
(Columbia is an Ivy League school, yes, but there are on any given day, 23, 813 students here. Most of them deserve to be here. Many more than I do -- I'm certain I'm the intellectual equal of damn near anyone here, but I've not been behaving like it. I've not been contributing to the community. I'm nothing very special, unusual, here. And I don't like that.)
Reposted from LJ, 20 March 2009
