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Mar. 13th, 2009 10:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elizabethI keep talking about how much I want to integrate myself, how much I want to be complete in my skin, without apology for any of the facets I contain (do I contradict myself? very well, then I contradict myself) — historian, bisexual, woman, fan, someone with chronic illnesses, both physical and mental, writer, student, non-profit admin, designer, Jewish, cook, northeasterner, I could go on. A lot of my writing is about finding a home, being safe in this place that you discover or make or realize you're in; I keep looking for one for myself, whether in New York City or online — I thought LiveJournal was one, and then the land got sold to a developer, I thought Ragnell could be one, but it turns out building your own home is fucking difficult and I'd like to stop sleeping in motels while I construct my own house.
D was talking about how she thinks of Dreamwidth as a place "for people who make things." I make a lot of things: I make pie and fiction, I make love and css, I make friends and messes. But when you come down to it, scour away all the things I've acquired, I'm always making me. I was thinking about making Dreamwidth my home, or trying to, at any rate; I was thinking about using DW as a therapy journal, but then I realized that it might not be safe to do that in public. Or maybe that's what makes it safe; I catch myself lying in therapy, trying to make myself seem consistent, but online I am bits and bytes only, faceless and untouchable, I can contain as many multitudes as the servers can hold without crashing.
I'm at my best in writing, my cleanest, if that makes sense, my most honest and unafraid and most defiant and unambiguous in writing.
Therapy's good, therapy's great, therapy has helped to an unbelievable extent — but this feels natural to me. This would be....an extension of therapy, maybe? it would be like a way to track therapy, respond to therapy sooner than the next session and at more length and leisure than a fifty-minute hour offers.
I want to do this. I just don't know how.
D was talking about how she thinks of Dreamwidth as a place "for people who make things." I make a lot of things: I make pie and fiction, I make love and css, I make friends and messes. But when you come down to it, scour away all the things I've acquired, I'm always making me. I was thinking about making Dreamwidth my home, or trying to, at any rate; I was thinking about using DW as a therapy journal, but then I realized that it might not be safe to do that in public. Or maybe that's what makes it safe; I catch myself lying in therapy, trying to make myself seem consistent, but online I am bits and bytes only, faceless and untouchable, I can contain as many multitudes as the servers can hold without crashing.
I'm at my best in writing, my cleanest, if that makes sense, my most honest and unafraid and most defiant and unambiguous in writing.
Therapy's good, therapy's great, therapy has helped to an unbelievable extent — but this feels natural to me. This would be....an extension of therapy, maybe? it would be like a way to track therapy, respond to therapy sooner than the next session and at more length and leisure than a fifty-minute hour offers.
I want to do this. I just don't know how.
