(no subject)
Jan. 30th, 2007 04:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elizabethI have lost my sense of perspective, and I would like it back. Perspective, balance, distance; all of it has vanished from me, and what's worst about it all is that I suspect myself of losing it, not someone else's deliberate theft.
And if I think about it, force myself to intellectualize my life -- there is a reason my defense mechanisms are all to distance myself, to think rather than react, I am no good at emotional reactions -- I realize, every time that I am so overwhelmingly lucky, so fortunate, that my problems are first-world problems, that I have so little to complain about really, that I feel overwhelmingly guilty. I am capable of understanding my life in a larger context than "omg scared and weepy" and I feel so much better when I do that the most frustrating thing is how infrequently I bother. Even the guilt is preferable to the feeling of drowning in my own head.
And if I think about it, force myself to intellectualize my life -- there is a reason my defense mechanisms are all to distance myself, to think rather than react, I am no good at emotional reactions -- I realize, every time that I am so overwhelmingly lucky, so fortunate, that my problems are first-world problems, that I have so little to complain about really, that I feel overwhelmingly guilty. I am capable of understanding my life in a larger context than "omg scared and weepy" and I feel so much better when I do that the most frustrating thing is how infrequently I bother. Even the guilt is preferable to the feeling of drowning in my own head.
Reposted from LJ, 20 March 2009
