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Feb. 17th, 2006 03:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elizabethI know that I need to go into a therapy session with Something I Want to Talk About, otherwise, it's pretty much a waste of time. This has been proven yet again. Slight waste of time -- not toal, but less accomplished than I'd have liked.
She wants me to print out & read her that letter I wrote to my father. I'm totally okay with her reading it, but I do. not. want. to read it to her. I tried to explain the omigodno reaction I had, but I don't think it came through. Those of you on this filter who are writers, I'm not crazy, right? That's a normal reaction?
Meh.
The thing is that I have two problems to deal with. One: the mess with biological pater, which is what I want to deal with, mostly because I have some idea of what to do with that, and Two: the disaster and catastrophe and unending source of pain that was last semster and what I'm now pretty sure was actual depression. (Note to self: if, on a regular basis, over a period of three years, your journal contains descriptions of yourself as 'naturally melancholy' or similar, a depressive crisis might not that be far a reach. Just for future reference.)
I just don't know what to deal with first.
On the one hand, I know I need to deal with the thing with pater before I get into romantic and/or sexual relationships; I'm not willing to let my problems with him poison anything else, and I have a head start on this, in that I've spent a lot of time thinking about the problem already. On the other hand, it's not ...pressing, in the same way as getting my head on straight about school is. Plus, there's the added little joy of the academic thing? Is entirely me. The thing with pater is not all me.
I may be self-aware, but that doesn't mean I like poking and prodding at emotional sore spots.
She wants me to print out & read her that letter I wrote to my father. I'm totally okay with her reading it, but I do. not. want. to read it to her. I tried to explain the omigodno reaction I had, but I don't think it came through. Those of you on this filter who are writers, I'm not crazy, right? That's a normal reaction?
Meh.
The thing is that I have two problems to deal with. One: the mess with biological pater, which is what I want to deal with, mostly because I have some idea of what to do with that, and Two: the disaster and catastrophe and unending source of pain that was last semster and what I'm now pretty sure was actual depression. (Note to self: if, on a regular basis, over a period of three years, your journal contains descriptions of yourself as 'naturally melancholy' or similar, a depressive crisis might not that be far a reach. Just for future reference.)
I just don't know what to deal with first.
On the one hand, I know I need to deal with the thing with pater before I get into romantic and/or sexual relationships; I'm not willing to let my problems with him poison anything else, and I have a head start on this, in that I've spent a lot of time thinking about the problem already. On the other hand, it's not ...pressing, in the same way as getting my head on straight about school is. Plus, there's the added little joy of the academic thing? Is entirely me. The thing with pater is not all me.
I may be self-aware, but that doesn't mean I like poking and prodding at emotional sore spots.
Reposted from LJ, 20 March 2009
