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Oct. 6th, 2009 07:41 pmGod, it's amazing how fast I can go from "reasonably okay" to "out of my fucking mind." How easy it is to tip me over the edge, how much that impacts everything in my life and how I feel about anything, and how hard it is to claw back from that edge.
Last night, I was fine; I had a lot on my plate, but I was keeping my head above water, getting things off the to-do list, reasonably confident about being able to continue doing so, all that. Today, I have gotten back an essay I have been really nervous about (and I can't read the frackin' comments; the handwriting is somewhat less than decipherable), and I have hurt someone's feelings and I cannot figure out how to — *waves hands* express that I understand what I said was hurtful and wrong and I understand why, because I can't make it come out right, basically how not to be an asshole, and I am trying, I swear I am. I just suck at it.
Last night, I was fine; I had a lot on my plate, but I was keeping my head above water, getting things off the to-do list, reasonably confident about being able to continue doing so, all that. Today, I have gotten back an essay I have been really nervous about (and I can't read the frackin' comments; the handwriting is somewhat less than decipherable), and I have hurt someone's feelings and I cannot figure out how to — *waves hands* express that I understand what I said was hurtful and wrong and I understand why, because I can't make it come out right, basically how not to be an asshole, and I am trying, I swear I am. I just suck at it.
