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It has been bugging me, more and more, of late, that I am not writing. I have a novel in progress, two more waiting in the wings, a triple dozen poems that I want to revise and publish, half a dozen pieces of fanfic I want to write, a podfic I am dying to get my teeth into. All I am writing is nonfiction -- blog posts, policy, work recommendations, essays and papers.
I am not a nonfiction writer, by temperament, inclination, or training. I miss writing the way I would miss breathing.
I thought Dr. L got that, got that writing is so deeply a part of my identity that very nearly everything comes second to it.
Last week, I talked a little bit about feeling starved as a person, that I don't feel like myself with all of my creative work on the back burner, and she said that now is when I need to be working on social skills and my education — that writing will always be there. And, well, yes, but...I felt more than a little dismissed. This is who I am. It makes me happy.
I don't want to think this is everything Joanna Russ talked about in How to Suppress Women's Writing. I don't. But — it hurts not to write. It hurts to keep pushing writing later in my calendar. When I do not write, I am a lesser person; it really comes down to that. I need to write to be my best possible self.
Why should I be shut off, discouraged, from something that makes me better? I need my therapist to have my back in my attempts to be my best self, in my process of learning what works for me as a person, as the person I want to be. And right now, I am not sure she does.
I am not a nonfiction writer, by temperament, inclination, or training. I miss writing the way I would miss breathing.
I thought Dr. L got that, got that writing is so deeply a part of my identity that very nearly everything comes second to it.
Last week, I talked a little bit about feeling starved as a person, that I don't feel like myself with all of my creative work on the back burner, and she said that now is when I need to be working on social skills and my education — that writing will always be there. And, well, yes, but...I felt more than a little dismissed. This is who I am. It makes me happy.
I don't want to think this is everything Joanna Russ talked about in How to Suppress Women's Writing. I don't. But — it hurts not to write. It hurts to keep pushing writing later in my calendar. When I do not write, I am a lesser person; it really comes down to that. I need to write to be my best possible self.
Why should I be shut off, discouraged, from something that makes me better? I need my therapist to have my back in my attempts to be my best self, in my process of learning what works for me as a person, as the person I want to be. And right now, I am not sure she does.