elizabeth: black and white woman's torso (black and white)
Elizabeth ([personal profile] elizabeth) wrote2009-05-02 05:49 pm
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The dance studio at Movement Research has bad mojo.

I've been going to contact improv jams there for a few years, and in that time, there have been maybe two jams that have left me high on endorphins the way I always hope for. There have also been jams that leave me trembling with panic, hollow with loneliness, inadequate in every way. Contact improv is supposed to be ideal for those of us who love dance but are limited in our talent, it's only minimally about technique, what matters is the experience and the completeness of participation....except that the people who attend Movement Research are often professional dancers, yogis, flexible and strong in a way I am not. I feel inadequate and fearful (of doing myself physical harm, of hurting someone else, of having another panic attack) there. Bad mojo.

If and when I am stronger physically, trust my body more, maybe I will go back. But for now, I think I will stick to the university's dance department, which is there for me to learn from, and the jam at Children's Aid, which really does have all levels of skill, and where people have fun.