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That was hard, and I'm not sure why.
Therapy today was mostly about C#2 and our relationship, which is...hard to define. Not quite familial, not quite friendship, not quite educational, neither fish nor fowl nor good red herring, as Meg Murry says.
(My therapist does not know "Cake or death?" I find this SHOCKING.)
I want it to be a more relaxed relationship, to be less effortful, but the things that I find effortful are the things that C#2 is doing to be a good noun-of-your-choice. And it's not that I want to change the person I know and love, I just— relationships are always in flux, right? No one is ever perfect, we always want more or less, entropy is continuous, people are a process, and if I want a more relaxed relationship with someone, I should control my own expectations and try not to make it perfect, because then I'm putting just as much pressure on as I'm resisting.
Besides, I am teaching myself how to believe that if someone has a problem with me, they will tell me. This is applicable everywhere, and it's really helpful for calming my brain, albeit not a perfect solution. Some people are shit at being honest. But in general, if I act as if someone doesn't have a problem unless and until I am told in actual words there is a problem, I should be okay, right? Right?
Therapy today was mostly about C#2 and our relationship, which is...hard to define. Not quite familial, not quite friendship, not quite educational, neither fish nor fowl nor good red herring, as Meg Murry says.
(My therapist does not know "Cake or death?" I find this SHOCKING.)
I want it to be a more relaxed relationship, to be less effortful, but the things that I find effortful are the things that C#2 is doing to be a good noun-of-your-choice. And it's not that I want to change the person I know and love, I just— relationships are always in flux, right? No one is ever perfect, we always want more or less, entropy is continuous, people are a process, and if I want a more relaxed relationship with someone, I should control my own expectations and try not to make it perfect, because then I'm putting just as much pressure on as I'm resisting.
Besides, I am teaching myself how to believe that if someone has a problem with me, they will tell me. This is applicable everywhere, and it's really helpful for calming my brain, albeit not a perfect solution. Some people are shit at being honest. But in general, if I act as if someone doesn't have a problem unless and until I am told in actual words there is a problem, I should be okay, right? Right?
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