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My stepdad's company had a party last night, where I had a really nice makeout session with one of the other guests.
The thing that makes me happiest about that, actually, is not the fact that I have been longing for physical contact for a while, not the fact that he was really cute and smart and funny, none of that. I'm happiest about the fact that I was myself and he wanted to make out with me, wanted to kiss me; I was geeky and a smartass and outspoken about my feminism and I never once lied about what I wanted or thought. I'm not sure if I forgot to lie, or if I remembered to tell the truth. They're not the same thing, not quite. But my point was — I have empirical evidence that my geeky, smartass, feminist self can get the guy now. I really haven't had that before, and while I was willing to hold out for it, it was beginning to feel really lonely — as if I was going to have to work someone up to being okay with my full personality. People like that may be rare but they exist. I always knew that, but it's good to know it-know it. Plus the kissing was fun.
It was a good day, notwithstanding the fact that I didn't get back to my stepdad's place until one in the morning, still woke up at six-thirty, and am so tired I feel nauseated.
The thing that makes me happiest about that, actually, is not the fact that I have been longing for physical contact for a while, not the fact that he was really cute and smart and funny, none of that. I'm happiest about the fact that I was myself and he wanted to make out with me, wanted to kiss me; I was geeky and a smartass and outspoken about my feminism and I never once lied about what I wanted or thought. I'm not sure if I forgot to lie, or if I remembered to tell the truth. They're not the same thing, not quite. But my point was — I have empirical evidence that my geeky, smartass, feminist self can get the guy now. I really haven't had that before, and while I was willing to hold out for it, it was beginning to feel really lonely — as if I was going to have to work someone up to being okay with my full personality. People like that may be rare but they exist. I always knew that, but it's good to know it-know it. Plus the kissing was fun.
It was a good day, notwithstanding the fact that I didn't get back to my stepdad's place until one in the morning, still woke up at six-thirty, and am so tired I feel nauseated.
Reposted from IJ, 20 March 2009