(no subject)

[elizabeth]

Today's hard, for no real reason: I am plagued by imposter syndrome and tiredness and a general feeling of malaise. I've had a run of disappointing books recently and while I may have broken it with a collection of short stories by an author I like and another of Rebecca Solnit essays, Solnit is hard to read because she's so clear about the moral costs of living in the world as it is. Current American politics are frightening me to the extent of starting to work on grad school abroad plans again. A dress I bought on impulse has been delayed on its way to me and I'm feeling buyer's remorse even before I have the damn thing (I've been eying it for literally months, it was on sale, and I have an upcoming holiday party to go to that I'd like to feel confident at). My insurance reimbursement for the last few months of therapy is taking forever. I should get a checkup and a dental cleaning before the end of the year, but that feels like so much goddamn effort.

My brain is lying to me. I know this. But it's hard not to listen to the lies when they feel true.