two by two

Nov. 26th, 2014 12:10 pm
elizabeth: red umbrellas being blown through a grey sky (panic)
Good: My therapist and I had a productive conversation about the last session I posted about. I'm still not entirely thrilled, but I did get through to her that this is not a topic I am willing to be flexible about.

Good: I have dropped down to biweekly sessions! Yay 450 extra dollars a month and agreement that I am doing super well mental-health-wise!

Bad: There was a mouse in the apartment this morning and I am almost certain my roommate blames me and apartment stuff in this apartment pretty much makes me fall apart with social anxiety.

Bad: I think my stepfather is mad at me, and while I can't entirely blame him, I am absolutely shit about communicating with him in the way he wants me to (i.e., phone), his technique of using every contact method he has for me (work and personal emails, work and personal phones, text and SMS) makes me feel trapped and panicked and overwhelmed and approximately 399% less likely to be able to call him back.

ETA: that may have been a panicked overreaction. A little.

There's a pattern playing out with both these bad things that has to do with perfectionism, that has to do with being good, and I have no idea of how to start isolating the thought patterns and excavating them and replacing them with something healthier.
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